Comments on: Working-Mom Guilt: Why I Don’t Have It, and Why No Mom Should

By: Izabela

Izabela — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:08:13 +0000

I work full time and I absolutely love it. I love my job (even when it gets annoying at times). I spent a lot of time and school and money to get to this point in my life and consider it a privilege to work as a full time internal care physician. I also LOVE my baby, am consumed by a crazy all consuming adoration. But I never wanted to stay at home. NEVER. Still don’t. I plan on having more and continuing to use the awesome daycare near my office. And I hope that as my son gets older he realizes that though he’s the center of my heart, he isn’t the center of the universe and that mommy has other important roles that she loves and is good at.

By: Confessions of a Mean Mommy » Blog Archive » I Suck at Sick Days.

Confessions of a Mean Mommy » Blog Archive » I Suck at Sick Days. — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:29:01 +0000

[...] written about my determination to not be a guilty working mom before, and I stand by that. Sometimes I feel like a voice in the wilderness, telling anyone who [...]

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:41:07 +0000

Thank you for this post. When I had my daughter, who is now 20 months old, I was a 22 year old single mother with absolutely no support from a father. My parents were helping as much as I would let them. But I went back to work part time 3 weeks after having my daughter. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fun. But it was what we needed. My daughter has gone to full time daycare since she was 3 months old. And of course there are days that I would love to stay home with her. There are days I cry as I drive into work. But this is Brenna and I’s reality. This is what we need. And feeling guilty definitely doesn’t help anything.

By: Denise

Denise — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:17:56 +0000

Alison,

Good strategy! That’s like when I’m dying for Cheez Doodles or something — I give in, hate how they make me feel, then stop feeling guilty about it. Well, sort of. Maybe that’s a bad analogy!

Anyway, I’m sure you’re doing fine. The big key is having childcare you feel comfortable with. My first nanny was so wonderful (she was a mom herself, and taught me a lot — she was probably better with D than I was in the beginning!) that I literally had not a second thought when I left that first day.

As for long hours, I’m not an attorney (I was a magazine editor at the time), so it’s hard for me to say, but I nixed the longish hours that can sometimes happen at magazines by becoming super efficient. I got in earlier than my colleagues and kept my head down, only taking breaks to pump breastmilk and eat sandwiches and snacks. I probably got more done in 3 days a week of 9 to 5 than I used to with longer days and longer weeks!

Good luck, congrats on the baby, and keep reading!

Denise

By: Alison

Alison — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:10:52 +0000

I’m on day 3 back at work and I found this article when I needed it most. I have guilt. I’m allowing myself to have a week of it, and then I’m getting over it. I’ve found that for me it’s easier to succumb to it for a short amount of time, deal with it, and then push it away. Usually I have a 24 hour rule, but for this I’m taking a week. I know that eventually I will get used to being away from my little girl, and I also know that when I was home all day I spent part of the day itching to get back to work. I’m an attorney, and I’m already finding it difficult because I used to stay until 11 o’clock at night if I needed to, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I do think it’s making me a better mother. I really cherish the time I have with my baby when I’m home and look forward to seeing her. I’m sacrificing sleep to get up early enough in the morning to play with her after she eats. I don’t miss the sleep.

By: Confessions of a Mean Mommy » Blog Archive » In The Good Old Summertime? My Lesson in Summer Vacation

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 13:03:18 +0000

[...] let me give you some background on this whole summer thing. As I’ve said before here, I’ve always worked, and of course that includes summer. However, since James was born, [...]

By: TheOtherDenise

TheOtherDenise — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:11:45 +0000

You’re right Jennifer. She did make that point — and very convincingly. The problem is there are so many legislative hurdles to affording women who choose to stay home adequate financial and other support, both while their children are at home and through retirement. It was a scary and eye-opening read.

By: Jennifer Fink

Jennifer Fink — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 01:40:25 +0000

Interestingly, OtherDenise, I read “The Price of Motherhood” the other way — not as a reason as to why we should stay in the workforce, but why things need to change so that motherhood is respected also. Ann Crittenden shouldn’t have to stay in/return to the workforce just to gain respect.

Like Sara, though, I work from home and struggle with turning it off. I do have some set work hours, complete with childcare, but it’s not enough, so I’m forever sneaking work in — at night, mid-day, weekends, etc. And it works, but I constantly feel I’m short-changing something. When I’m at work, it’s the kids. When I’m with the kids, it’s work. In reality, I’m probably the one who’s getting short-changed.

By: TheOtherDenise

TheOtherDenise — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:08:36 +0000

One of the best arguments I’ve ever read for moms to stay in the workforce is Ann Crittenden’s, “The Price of Motherhood.” It was written about seven years ago, but I’ll bet it’s still quite relevant. If I remember correctly, she tells a story in the introduction about leaving her job as an economics reporter at the New York Times after one of her children was born and having someone come up to her and ask, “Weren’t you Ann Crittenden?” Um, yeah. And she still was. She didn’t cease to exist just because she was a stay-at-home mom.

I definitely don’t believe in judging any one else’s choices. We all need to do what works for us. But there is something to be said for keeping your hand, and your arm, and maybe even your shoulders and chest in the workforce. I know for myself that I need it, but I also don’t want to leave my family’s economic security and my future earning power to chance.

By: Meagan Francis

Meagan Francis — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 15:54:27 +0000

I’ve been many different versions of a working mom (work at home, work out of home, part-time, full-time, etc) and an at-home mom and I am wayyy happier when I’m engaged in some kind of paid work. Also, I find that deadlines and schedules help me build a routine into our lives that I’d otherwise rebel against, and that routine really benefits the family.
When I’ve felt twinges of guilt over my work status, which isn’t very often, I take a close look at what I’m doing to make sure that it’s actually working for everyone. Sometimes what feels like guilt has actually been something a little more complex–a tiny voice going “Hey, you! You can’t juggle this many balls at once and still be happy.” Guilt for guilt’s sake is no good, but sometimes you can use it as a catalyst to re-adjust your life so it’s more livable.
I also agree that the mommy wars are mostly made up. Nobody in my real-life circle of friends is judging each other’s work or diapering or feeding choices. So where are the armies?