Comments on: When it Comes to Babycare, What Happened to Instinct?

By: CTK

CTK — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 01:36:27 +0000

I agree that we have some instincts, but I think there’s also a need to see how babies are raised — how to respond. I was fortunate to have a brother 10 years older than I, so I was exposed to infants and child-rearing at a young age, and it continued for years. I learned early what to do and how to do it. But my husband, on the other hand, is the oldest in his family, and has never had exposure to babies, and it shows. He’s terrified of them and doesn’t know what to do. It’s like trying to learn how to ride a bicycle as an adult at this point. Sure, you have instincts that try to keep you upright and balanced on a bike, but getting the knack of pedaling and braking takes practice. With smaller families, families being separated by greater distances, and people waiting until their older to have kids, some of that exposure to child-rearing disappears, and I think more people turn to books and stuff because there is security in that — because they take the place of that experience.

By: The gold digger

The gold digger — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 19:54:35 +0000

My favorite line from the story: Both my husband and I have intense professional jobs,” Blair said. “A lot of the things April does you can also do yourself, but it does take a lot of time and we just did not have it.”

I wonder when she’s going to have time for the actual babies.

By: Meagan Francis

Meagan Francis — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 16:30:45 +0000

I have never been much of a planner, but with my first son, I tracked every diaper, every ounce of breastmilk (I actually preferred pumping and feeding from a bottle so I could see how much he was getting, now how messed up is that, I ask?) and charted it all out. I also read every single book I could get my hands on, watching him like a hawk for signs of developmental progress and keeping a written log of where he was ahead and where he seemed to lag. Luckily, it didn’t take me long to realize that all that over-planning was taking all the joy out of it for me, and also keeping me from learning to figure all this stuff out on my own. By the time he was 6 months old we’d settled into a version of the relaxed, winging-it style of parenting I’ve embraced since. Still, if I were a new mom today I can’t say for sure I’d be able to resist the pull of all these “helpful tools”. New parents are just sold on so much doubt and fear, and we think somebody else-some book or program or expert-MUST have all the answers.

By: Jennifer Fink

Jennifer Fink — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 04:28:15 +0000

The more children I had (four, currently), the more I recognized the power of instinct. And yet, even with my first, it was my motherly instinct that led me to share sleep with my baby. I’d followed all the “advice” and purchased a crib. The room just down the hall from my room had been transformed into a welcoming nursery, complete with a changing table, diaper genie and tasteful Noah’s Ark-themed decor. But my baby hadn’t read the books. My baby slept better beside me, and so my baby slept beside me for the better part of his first year. We changed him on our bed or (gasp!) on the floor.

By: Denise

Denise — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 23:38:30 +0000

Barbara,

thanks for writing, and congratulations on your (relatively new) baby boy! It’s amazing, isn’t it, that even when we decide we don’t need all the stuff, and are living perfectly fine without it, we STILL feel that twinge of “maybe I should have…” I guess that’s good marketing on the baby-products manufacturers’ end.

best wishes,

Denise

By: Alida

Alida — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 23:11:12 +0000

I remember well. I was so militant about not having too much stuff and yet I ended up with too much stuff. We had a crib, a playpen that doubled as a bassinet and changing table. A highchair that doubled as a swing, a glider, a baby monitor and lot of clothes, bottles and a few toys. I never used the playpen/bassinet/changing table. I loved, loved, loved the high chair. I never used the monitor, but am still using th glider even though my babies are now five and seven. They are still rocked sometimes, but I’m guessing I won’t be allowed that much longer:)

Some things are crazy, but I think that parents are all so different. What I found useless, someone else might think it’s a godsend. The challenge is not to get overwhemled trying to decide.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 22:52:30 +0000

My son is 15 months old. After getting pregnant and talking with many of my friends who had already become mothers, my husband and I decided we wouldn’t need much for our first baby’s arrival. We waited to find out the sex, so even down to clothing I didn’t buy much wanting to wait until we knew if it was a boy or girl. We had a natural birth at a birthing center near our home, and I owned a moby wrap that I wore him in all the time. At three weeks old, he seemed to be developing colic, so we took him to the chiropractor a few times and that was remedied. He still nurses, and co-sleeps as well. After making all of these decisions that we believed would be best {he is a remarkable child, full of light and love and very secure} I still couldn’t help feeling slightly guilty for not having certain “baby necessities”. How silly, I know. Our consumer culture is much too powerful.

By: Megan

Megan — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:38:09 +0000

I’m 10 weeks along. I have always been a very intense planner. I feel like the only thing I do not currently have a handle on is the STUFF all these websites say I need for the baby.

I realize I have a bunch of time till my due date – I also realize that (especially after I stop this throwing up nonsense) it will go faster than I think it will. We have a plan for the nursery to commence in the coming weeks. We WILL find out the gender. I DO want the drugs. I WILL take the birthing classes when the time comes. For now, My doctor says to eat what I can and not worry about nutrition. For now, I can forgo the nausea inducing prenatal vitamins. I’m not freaking out about eating organic, etc. I’m staying away from mercury and avoiding soft cheeses. All this is to say I’m doing the best that I can.

I feel completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we’ll need — or is it “need” — for this baby. A crib? A dresser? A changing station? More storage? Bottles (bpa free?)? A pump? Storage bags? Pacifiers? a play yard? A high chair? A walker? A swing? A bouncer? A car seat? A stroller? A bassinet? A sleeper positioner? A rocker? Clothes? Toys? bibs? Bathtubs? A diaper bag?

I’m pretty darn sure I didn’t register for this much stuff for my wedding. AND there are like 5x as many big ticket Items as when I was starting out in my first home (A big ticket item, to me, is something over $100).

And what if I make the wrong choice? The crib I selected has no moving parts – while my mother is convinced that I won’t be able to pick up the baby without the ability to lower the side of the crib. What if the sleeper positioner will make her too hot to sleep? What if the high chair collects stray food in strange un-cleanable places and becomes gross within days of use. And despite the fact that I KNOW a $170 stroller isn’t anywhere near the most expensive thing out there – how can I possibly justify registering for that plus ten more items that are just as expensive that could collectively pay for 25% of our much needed Kitchen remodel!

I’ve never had a baby before, and my instinct tells me to play it safe and that’s how I’ve arrived at the doorstep of the baby industrial complex. Sorry about the long comment.

By: kristen

kristen — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:45:41 +0000

Hey, congrats, and yes, he’s adorable!!

By: Denise

Denise — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:49:08 +0000

Caroline: Baby industrial complex — that’s exactly it! It does the same thing as the wedding-industrial complex — the overabundance of stuff is pushed on you, and the undercurrent of fear makes you think you need it. Need it!

Denise