I did change my name when I got married. I LOVED my maiden name, and still do. It was “Tickle” which was always a fabulously fun name and people always responded to it really well. (yes it is exactly like the Mr Men books, so my Dad is Mr Tickle) I have heard every possible joke you can imagine! But when I got married I thought about all the children/travel/paperwork issues. I never saw it as a feminist issue because I am me no matter what you call me. If I need my name to feel like a feminist then I think that makes me not strong enough in my beliefs.

But the reason I chose to change it is that my father does research for people into their family tree. He has traced our family back to about the 1600 and he said that when there are name issues it starts to mess up the family line and things become difficult to follow. It can be hard enough to follow a family correctly and so I chose to give up my very fun name and take on my married name. I don’t regret it. It makes it easier for everything else and it only took one week to get all my paperwork sorted. Took longer to get used to people calling out my name! But 10 years on I would still do the same thing.

Recently (now that my oldest is 7) I have found myself pondering what to have other kids call me. I have decided to have them call me Mrs. (husbands/child’s last name). To them, I am Jack’s mom. It is easier for them to call me Mrs. (Jack’s last name). Could they call me something else? Sure they could, but why make their lives more complicated. It’s easier this way and they won’t be calling me at work, so I don’t have to worry about that.

P.S. One caveat: plane travel is a pain. I always bring along birth certificates, just in case.

My husband has become Mr. Ingram and when my daughters friends call me Mrs. X (hubby’s last name), I just answer to it. However, some know to call me Ms. Ingram and that’s cool, too.

FYI, on my HUSBAND’s insistence, both of our daughters have Ingram as a middle name. And that’s the biggest brou-haha we’ve had over the whole name issue: they wish they had traditional middle names.

When they marry–if they marry–I’ll support my daughters in whatever decision they make about their last name.

Leah

Although we don’t have kids yet, we plan to do so, and will most likely give them my husband’s name. Although a part of me is sad to see my maiden name dissapear from the lineage, I want to honor my husband’s Spanish heritage and make that an important part of my (future) childrens’ lives – especially given that we are residing in the US. Any Spanish culture we can get is good!

Great post. Thanks for the thoughtful discussion.

Out of sheer curiosity I asked my mom if she’d ever considered adding her maiden name of Joy (also a short, pretty name as a woman’s name) as a middle name. (I said it gave her the option of being called Margaret Joy (like she is called Margaret Ann now) or Margaret Joy Lastname (by not including her given middle name). As I expected, my mom replied that she hadn’t ever thought of adding her maiden name (despite that one of my sisters goes by just her maiden name, one only uses her husband’s name socially and the third sister is known strictly by her husband’s surname). However, to my utter astonishment, my mom stated that she’d have to give it some “serious thought” (which is “Mom-ese” for “I think I REALLY like the idea”).

What advice or thoughts does anyone have about this? My mom lives in a Canadian province that allows a woman to simply “assume” a name. IF she decides that she wants to change her name (adding Joy as a second middle name – or in the (unlikely) event she’d want to hyphenate or “double barrel”), should she just “assume” the name and use it commonly (and maybe even change “unimportant” records like magazine subscriptions, e-mail, at organizations she belongs to, etc.) but not change important things (passport, driver’s licence, investments, etc.) given the hassle and potential for problems at her age (and use her “old” married name for those)?

To add an interesting “twist”, my mom become a dual Canadian/US citizen within the last few years – and my parents spend several months each winter in the southern US – so she has two passports, two driver’s licences and owns property in both countries. Between the winter travel and living in a border area where it is not at all unusual to make casual day trips across the border, names on passports and other official government documents seems to be becoming more important given today’s security restrictions.

Any and all input is appreciated.

Now that my husband and I are divorcing, I am especially glad I didn’t change it. I find it so weird when divorced women are still using their ex’s last name.

Happy New Year, Denise!