It’s great when it works, though. A few weeks ago, Simon (4), who loves the band KISS, wanted the Gene Simmons controller for Guitar Hero. Now, not only am I NOT going to spend $70 on that for him (we don’t even spend that on birthdays), we don’t even HAVE whatever you play those games on! We talked about money and saving and also alternatives: what else could he do or use to be happy without that toy? We (he and I) ended up constructing an Axe out of cardboard, duct tape and paint, and I’m quite proud of the results- I think he is, too!:

http://csectionlobotomy.wordpress.com/2010/03/06/genes-guitar/

- listening to the direction of a child. At the time, I thought that it was “good parenting” to listen to your children. Encourage them to give in-put and opinion. And do what they say, to show them that they are honored, considered, and respected. As an at home mom at the time, my daughter controlled the whole day (from birth). It was difficult to break away to do laundry, cook, toilet, because she’d melt down the entire time. My only break was when she napped. Now, I consider all of that pressure put on a child just to nap, as nearly an abuse. All of my emotions were wrapped up in the nap time, because I literally didn’t exsist as a person all of the rest of the time. I was her machine, her present help, her playmate, her toy… I didn’t learn lessons quickly, this behavior went on for a long time.

By school age, she chose her school – a private school; I paid for it. She chose her interests (soccer, roller skating lessons, flute lessons, voice lessons, acting lessons, etc.), I supported them all.

We bought our first house when she was around 9 years old. She hated it and called it the ghetto house from the start. It was a fixer up, but it was our first home that we owned and I personally was very proud of myself. She maintained her anger daily, that this house was not her choice and she hated it here.

We decided to have another child when she was 10. She said to me, “What the hell are you doing having another child, when you can’t even give me everything that I want!” She hated her brother when he was born, and was not kind or sympathetic at all about pregnancy, nursing, or my care for the baby. If she wanted to go to the mall and I had just laid baby down for a nap, she’d bang on his bedroom door and shout, “He’s awake now! So you can take me to the mall!” She wouldn’t ride the bus because only dirt bags ride busses. It was a horror to live with her.

That baby brother…. turns out he had cancer. She had to move in with Grandma and Grandpa (who are wealthy) while we moved to the children’s hospital for cancer treatments and surgeries. To this day, I regret not interrupting her life and just having her come to the hospital with us to experience the family trauma of cancer. But I didn’t make that decision.. She moved in with the rich people that she always wanted to be with anyways. $200.00 shopping sprees every Saturday and so on. Her life went on undisturbed.

Now, she’s still with them… they give her everything…. and she doesn’t need me for anything. I haven’t seen her for a year and a half. Our son is 6 now, and healthy…. Since there were so many years for me to reflect on, he is being raised with a very different attitude. His life is important and we have no time to waste on crying and fussing over non-important issues. He’s a happier kid for it. We also have added a baby sister. As time goes by they are growing older and more beautiful every day. My oldest chooses to just live her own life for herself. I have never been so disappointed.

Spoiling a kid, spoils every thing… and then you have to live with it.

One guy had a teenage son, but paid a lawn service to cut the grass. I asked why the son didn’t cut it. “He doesn’t do it right.” When the son wrecked his car at college 300 miles away a week before Christmas, the guy complained that now he was going to have to buy a plane ticket. I bit my my lip while another friend snorted and asked what was wrong with Greyhound.

A VP who had a stay at home husband and two teenage daughters complained about spending the weekend cleaning the house. I asked what???? Oh, her cleaning lady had quit. I am thinking, But you have a stay at home husband! And two teenage daughters! I don’t say it out loud because she is my VP. She goes on to say that her daughters are princesses. I think, I hope they never come to work for me because you are not teaching them the right values.