Comments on: A Glass of Wine for Grandma: Why Giving Babysitting Grandparents a List of Rules is Just… Wrong

By: Denise

Denise — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:58:31 +0000

thanks for your response, Nicole!

best,
Denise

By: Nicole

Nicole — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:56:33 +0000

I’ll have to go check out those posts but totally agree. If you feel your kids are in safe and loving hands, and you are getting free babysitting there really should not be any rules. Our marriage counselor actually had to explain that to my husband If you feel they need rules to be safe (ie alcohol) they probably should not be there, although completely understand sometimes you don’t have much choice. There is a lot of alcoholism and mental health issues on my husbands side so I do understand.

Found you through linkedin Mommybloggers

By: TheKitchenWitch

TheKitchenWitch — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:23:28 +0000

Oh my gosh! I just stumbled upon your blog today and saw this post–I was FURIOUS when I read Amy’s response in our paper and I’m so glad someone had the courage to address it!

Totally ridiculous. If you are dumping your kids off on grandma and grandpa, let them have their wine with dinner. Is this lady a Stepford wife of something?

I mean, I am assuming (and maybe I’m wrong here) that if they were drunkards, the daughter wouldn’t even think of leaving her kids with them, right? To do so would be irresponsibility of the first water.

So if they like their wine, in limits, who cares? Jeez! If she has such a problem with it, I suggest she open her wallet and shell out for a babysitter.

ARGH….sorry. I was just so mad when I read that piece

Love your blog, btw!

By: class factotum

class factotum — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:56:00 +0000

I mean I wouldn’t leave our non-existent kids with my husband’s parents. I would leave them with my mom in a second, even though she is now of the “of course you can have cookies before supper!” school, which she never was with us but is with the neighbor kids for whom she is substitute grandma.

By: class factotum

class factotum — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 16:51:59 +0000

A couple of things.

1. My husband’s parents are mean drunks and mean sobers. So even if we did have kids, I wouldn’t leave them with the grandparents. My mom is nice with a glass of wine or without.

2. A friend gets mad that her mother will not babysit on demand. She refuses to leave her son with anybody else. So they don’t go out. My silent thought is, “Your mom raised her own kids. You raise yours. Good grief.”

3. our society is so disrespectful to old folks. Once they are incapable of doing things for themselves we strip them of their dignity and place them in nursing homes where they are subjected to apple juice for dinner. When I am 70, I am going to start smoking. I will make sure I live in an old folks’ home that allows smoking, darnit. If you can’t smoke when you are old, when can you?

By: 6512 and growing

6512 and growing — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 03:37:56 +0000

My parents are rather saintly as grandparents, simply meaning: they adore my children and want to spend oodles of time with them. Sometimes that means my kids watch more movies and have more sugary snacks in their care (and yes my parents drink wine when caring for my kids, as do I!). I did put my foot down on the Ben and Jerry’s chocolate something or other when my daughter was 11 months, but now, with the kids being 4 and 2, I just get out of the way and give thanks.

By: Christina

Christina — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 23:40:10 +0000

When I would complain to my mother about how my husband did things differently with our children than I did she would always reassure me that I survived my own father and that fathers ways of doing things are important to a child. I think that this theory carries over to extended families. Would you want everyone who is around your child to be exactly like you? Granted there are ground rules that are important that you can convey to those who care for your children, but the micromanaging of family who is offering to watch your children out of the love they have and desire to know them is unneccessary. As hard as it may be to admit, we cannot offer our children everything that they need. That is where fathers, grandparents, aunts, and uncles can give them a diversity of experiences that will enrich the little sponges that they are. I would not want a my children’s realtionship with their grandparents be robbed because my controlling micromanagment got in the way.

By: Elisa

Elisa — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:00:51 +0000

No need to apologize! I didn’t find your comment to be harsh at all, and I agree 100% about not leaving children with a person who cannot be trusted. That was the position I took with my own parents. I think the bottom line is that those of us with family histories of substance abuse are going to read that “Dear Amy” letter from that perspective.

By: Alida

Alida — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 06:25:35 +0000

This is where I apologize profusely. To Elisa, after reading my comment it sounded harsh. Please know it was in no way directed to you or your experiences. To Denise, it was so presumptuous of me to direct my response to one your readers. I apologize. I get so passionate about things and speak out when perhaps I shouldn’t. It’s lesson I’ve been trying to learn for years, but this one is particularly hard for me.

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:43:28 +0000

Denise, I so agree with you. I’m not much of a drinker, and neither is my mom. But I know she enjoys a glass of beer after spending time outdoors–especially in warm weather. So when every 6-weeks she takes a 2-hour ferry trip, followed by a 2-hour drive through 3 more states, just to visit her granddaughter for a couple of days (and play with her and dote on her all day and all evening, without pause), I try to chill some nice beer for her.

My only request of my mom is that she try to remember to bring her cellphone charger so that she can keep her cellphone on when she and my daughter are off somewhere together.